Still Here: My Experience with Repeating a Year of Medical School

On a hot and humid July afternoon, the white coat ceremony for the class of 2025 at the Florida International University Herbert Wertheim College of Medicine was in full swing. Not even the threat of a giant thunderstorm, which happens often during the summer in Miami, could dampen the excitement of 150 aspiring physicians and their families. I walked onstage, slipped on brand-new white coat, and accepted the coveted “medical student” title I had spent years working for. I thought about why I was embarking on this journey: my family of Vietnam War refugees, my brother who has autism, and my father who suddenly passed away five years ago after dedicating his entire adult life to securing his family’s safety and happiness. I was excited, but also aware that medical school is not for the faint at heart. However, I still felt ready for the challenge because after all, I had made it this far. What could possibly go wrong?

Within the first week, the excitement I felt at my white coat ceremony quickly faded as I became overwhelmed and fell behind. Even with seemingly endless hours of studying, I was still doing poorly. I was exhausted every day and neglecting my well-being. For the first time in my life, my hard work was not paying off. On top of that, I lived at home with my brother who was prone to sudden behavioral outbursts consisting of screaming, spitting, and self-injury. Each time, my mother and I would have to drop everything we were doing to care for him. However, I hesitated to seek help because I’d never struggled so much in school before, and it seemed like my classmates were doing well. I started to believe that I wasn’t smart enough and didn’t deserve to be in medical school. I barely passed my first two classes, but kept pushing on with the hope that things would improve overtime. Unfortunately, that was not the case and I failed my first class at the end of the first semester. I had never failed in anything before, especially not a class in school.

The entire winter break I spent studying for the remediation exam, which I failed by one question. Consequently, I was called to the promotions committee to explain everything that had led to these failures. I was permitted to stay with my class and eventually reached the first block of second year.

Finally, it seemed like things were improving. I was not only doing better academically, but also fully immersing myself in student life by participating in simulations, presenting at conferences, and even performing with the school band at our annual med prom. But underneath the surface, history was repeating itself as I began to fall behind once again, which culminated in a panic attack during a simulation session where it seemed like everyone in my group except me knew everything. I ultimately failed the block by just 1%.

After being notified of this course failure, I continued going to school as if everything were normal while trying to convince the promotions committee to let me continue with my cohort for a second time. I then contracted COVID. While I recovered at home, I waited for a decision and continued studying for an upcoming midterm. However, the day before I was scheduled to return to school, I was given the devastating news that I would have to start medical school over from the very beginning. I took a leave of absence for the rest of the semester. Within hours of receiving the decision, I was no longer an actively enrolled medical student.

After being told that I would have to repeat first year, I felt ashamed, alone, and like I’d let everyone in my life down. I was angry at myself for allowing myself to hit rock bottom and repeatedly questioned why I was even on this grueling journey. I learned who my real friends were as word and speculation spread with my sudden vanishment from classes. Not only did I start to believe that I would never become a doctor, but I didn’t know who I was anymore. At times, I wanted to simply disappear.

With time, support from my loved ones, and other students who’d gone through the same or similar experiences, therapy, reflection on my mistakes, and pondering if medicine was still the right path for me, I accepted my fate and started to prepare to return to medical school. I self-studied for the upcoming block and researched how other repeat medical students overcame their challenges to be successful. Before I knew it, it was time for me to join the class of 2026.

When I first returned to HWCOM, I was afraid of being judged by both my old and new classmates. Fortunately, knowing a few students in the same situation helped me feel less alone, and most of my peers were ultimately very accepting and supportive. I created a consistent study plan that allowed me to master the material, prioritized my well-being, and adopted a growth mindset. (Now my study plan consists of reviewing in-house lectures and then supplementing them with Anki, external review videos (e.g. Boards and Beyond, Pathoma, Sketchy), and practice questions. Consistency is truly key – following this plan for every block has helped me improve my grades significantly.) I also learned how to set clear boundaries with my family about when I needed to step away from commitments to study for my classes. Within a few weeks, I was consistently doing well on quizzes and exams, and by the end of the year, I not only passed, but excelled in all my classes!

Remediating first year, albeit daunting, allowed me to regain confidence in my ability to succeed in medical school, build a stronger knowledge foundation, enjoy learning more, and rediscover my passion for medicine. Now, I am thriving instead of just surviving, and I know that I do belong here at HWCOM after all.

I’ve also realized that my first time through, I was settling. I thought that I was only capable of barely passing my classes and just trying to get through the work. As a result, I wasn’t properly learning the material nor living up to my full potential. Now, as part of the class of 2026, I’m no longer just scraping by – I have learned new skills to help me to study more efficiently, schedule my time more effectively, and have rediscovered that I am truly capable of being great.

Although the beginning of my medical school journey was tumultuous, I wholeheartedly believe that everything transpired the way it did for a reason. Today, I am more confident, resilient, compassionate, and prepared to face challenges. I am also committed to sharing my story so that I can help other medical students who may be going through a similar.

Whenever I have a moment of doubt, I remind myself that:

I am strong.
I am going to be okay.
I am making my loved ones proud.
I am going to be a great physician.
But most importantly, I am still here.