Learning Self-discipline

Moving away from home and coming to college was special and exciting to me. I was ready to follow my dreams of becoming a physician, make new friends, and learn about the amazing science of biology. I came into college clueless, not knowing how anything was going to be, and as a result, I lost control of my self-discipline. I did not know how to manage my time and how to balance studying with fun.

My grades were a reflection of the lack of time I was putting into studying. I was getting C’s or even D’s on assignments which made me feel very disappointed in myself. Doubt began creeping in and I would sometimes ask myself if college was even the right choice for me. I questioned my intelligence and my biology major. I began thinking of myself as unworthy of being in college or on the road of becoming a doctor. I tried to do things differently as my first semester went on, but there was always that temptation to procrastinate. I would put “go to tutoring” on my planner but I never went because other opportunities came up. . Rather than stay home and go over my notes, I would take spontaneous trips to town and explore. I was not doing well. There was no one to blame but myself as my feelings of failure began to grow.

It was not until winter break when I saw my final grades that I sat down and realized that I needed to change. I was at my all-time low and knew I needed to start taking my life and future seriously. I began changing my whole mindset and I realized I needed to grow up. My mother and several friends supported me through my missteps and helped me to learn how to manage those feelings of failure.  Although I was thankful to have had a semester where I made a lot of friends and had a lot of experiences, I recognized that I needed more self-discipline in order to begin achieving different results.

I started my second semester and it was not easy to change. I struggled as I started to shift my ways of thinking as well as my actions. Now I set up all my tasks in my planner, create study plans, and even schedule the time to hang with friends. Also, I have learned how to say “no” and how to better balance my time. I have conversations with my friends to let them know when I am available and that me not always having enough time to hang out has nothing to do with them. Thankfully, they have all been very understanding. I don’t always say no to fun times with friends, but I’ve learned there have to be limits and compromises. I take time to remember the reason why I decided to take this long journey and I enjoy the satisfaction I’ve felt as a hospital volunteer. This helps me to stay motivated.

Sometimes I forget that this is what college, and life, is all about: learning from our mistakes and slipups. I realized I needed to take that time and energy I spent beating myself up and convert it into something positive and beneficial. I’m aware that there are many things that I’m going to do wrong in the years of school and training I have left. But I also know that learning from those mistakes is how we grow, and I’ll be a better physician because of them.