Monday, April 20th, 2015

In a relationship, and it’s complicated.

Olivia Lacny

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” I always answer this question in the exact same way. A hesitation, a sigh, and a “Weeeeeelll….I’m Pre-Med right now…”

This is always met with the same response. The person always scrunches his or her face into a pained expression, followed by a look of pity. It’s as if that person just watched me trip and fall.

The truth is, I want to be a doctor. I’m going to be a doctor. Just like you wouldn’t ask a couple who’s been dating a short amount of time if they’re going to get married… it’s difficult for me to admit I’ve found my soul mate. When you decide you’re going to be Pre-Med, it’s a long-term commitment and that terrifies me. Many nights are spent wondering if my relationship with this lifestyle will last. It can be emotionally straining and I’ve questioned my commitment several times since that summer morning before I started college, when I woke up and decided I wanted to go to med school.

The thing is, no matter how many weed out classes break me down emotionally, physically (nights with little sleep), or mentally—I always find myself crawling back to the idea. I tell people I don’t know if I’m cut out for this. Science was never my strength. I had to retake the second semester of Gen Chem, and fear I’ll have to retake Organic Chemistry after failing every exam. My fear used to be of failure, but I’ve learned it’s not the failure that scares me. I’m afraid that one day, after committing my life to this pre-profession, the sparks won’t be there. I will no longer be in love, and I’ll have to rewrite my identity from scratch. I’ve learned that I don’t have to cram every single med school/MCAT related class into one semester. I can’t handle it and that’s ok. I’ve learned that unlike most of my friends in my classes, I usually don’t think the last exam we took “was so easy”. My path to med School will be anything but conventional, but my passion for health and for people is what propels that pep talk I give myself before every exam. I’ve spent more nights crying over these classes than I ever have over a boy. Sad? Maybe a little. But it’s a choice—my choice, the only choice.
On my hardest days I envision myself walking down the aisle, in a white…lab coat and I just know that it will all be worth it. ‘Til death do we part…

About Olivia Lacny

Olivia Olivia is in her second year at the University of Virginia. She is majoring in Biology and is very involved in activities on campus. Not only is she an active member of Kappa Delta sorority, but also is involved in the Peer Health Education program, a selective and competitive club at UVA that educates other organizations and student groups on campus about college-related issues such as nutrition, drugs/ alcohol, sexual health, and mental health. She, along with a few fellow students, is planning to launch a chapter at UVA for the National Alliance on Mental Illness in Fall 2015 of which she will be Vice President. Olivia is currently interning in the Research Oncology unit at Children’s National Hospital in DC.

16 thoughts on “In a relationship, and it’s complicated.

  1. You didnot take into account that after finishing med school , you will face the dilemma of chosing your speciality . You should take a close look to the lifestyle of resident dictors,it is full of long night shifts.
    Almowasat hospital ,dam

  2. hey!

    I like your post, I think it’s really down to earth. Everybody experiences does doubts at one point (perhaps just for a tiny bit), but take it from one person who made it: if everything is clicking towards that goal then just follow the path. You’ll know it was worth it when you find your own reason, it took me until my senior year of med school to realize why I was working towards becoming an MD.

    So Rock On!!

  3. This path your describe has quite a number of people on it…including me but heeey look at the bright side…we’re gonna save lives!!! Yeeeeeeeey:) I’m guessing the relationship part of life will figure itself out? Honestly, that’s what I tell myself just to stay focused.

  4. Agreed. I find myself in that situation in Anatomy plus my other classes and juggling work. I’ll be retaking anatomy in the fall. “‘Til death do us part,” is correct.

  5. The worry, whether the spark will still be there after I become Doctor,can come up at times, I trail on anyway.

  6. I believe this is a labor of love and passion, like any true commitment there will be times you wonder what you are doing and possibly a disbelief you actually chose this! Where there is a will there is always a way;keep your eye on the gold ring:) Best of luck.

  7. I think a lot of us are in the same boat of being scared of what we really want in life, but at the end of the day we doing keep pushing forward. I think that is why God gave us the dream to become a doctor. 🙂

  8. I love your passion and your story. Just follow your heart, I’m cellular and molecular biology student and I hope to enter medical school after finishing my major. MEDICINE is the renewable science, never stop updating that why it’s interesting, my best wishes for you sister.

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